如果我有两头牛……

A tale for the year of the ox:

-- Got two cows --

TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.


A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.


A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.


A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.


A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.


AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch..


A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.


A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them..
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.


AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.


A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead.
Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.


And last but not least,

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu.


------------------------------------------------------


《星洲日报》
牛年牛文化 -- 郑丁贤


对於不同的人，牛有不同的价值；反映文化的差別。

有一个牛笑话，活灵活现。我稍加改编，从牛观人，怎么用牛，就有怎么样的国家和民族。

美国人，有两头母牛，卖掉其中一头，换一头公牛。母牛和公牛交配，牛族繁衍增加；农夫赚到钱，掉早退休。

中国人，有两头母牛，卖掉一头，强迫剩下的一头生產4只母牛的奶；母牛累死，农夫饿死。

德国人，有两头母牛，对它们进行体能训练，每天生產双倍牛奶，可以活100年，还可以自行用脚挤奶。

日本人，有两头母牛，进行基因改造，使它们的体型只有10分之1，但可以生產10倍牛奶，还可以变成卡通牛，名叫Kowkimon。

法国人，有两头母牛，没有人挤奶，因为大家都在罢工，要求政府给三头牛。

英国人，有两头母牛，都是疯牛。

俄罗斯人，有两头母牛，算一算，变成4头，喝一口伏特加，再算一次，变成8头。

马来西亚人（一），有两头母牛，有200个人在挤奶；政府的报告说：“大马没有人失业。”

马来西亚人（二），有两头母牛，拉到国会大厦宰了，议员们分而食之。

A议员边吃边说：“两只牛不够，下次至少要宰4只。”

B议员说：“本地牛不够嫩，下次要进口澳洲小牛，或是神户牛。”

C议员说：“煮咖哩牛肉不够入味，下次记得要煮冷当牛肉。”

印度人最好，有两头母牛，都是圣牛，拿来崇拜。